A Girlfriend Turns 2 & Lost Time

Girlfriend turns two today. And although this should be a post all about her and her life, it is only partially that. The past few months I have enjoyed little Girlfriend so much. I can’t get enough of her and just want to eat her up. I’m just loving this age. I was trying to remember when LM was her age and wondered why I couldn’t remember enjoying it as much with him. Then I realized that there are two reasons: number one, I was pregnant and sick as a dog with Girlfriend at that time. I’ve tried to block that time out of my memory entirely. Number two: it was at this age that LM had his first seizure—his grand mal seizure—the one where we thought he had died--twice. I realized that I didn’t enjoy the months before LM had turned two because I was living in constant fear during that time. I would hold my breath and freeze up at every odd movement or different look. I wasn’t enjoying life, let alone my little two year old. I believe that what I experienced was a natural reaction to the situation we went through, but it makes me sad to think about those lost months. I’m sad that I let FEAR steal away those precious times. I’ve had a lot of time since then to think about fear and the effect that it has on me and 2 Timothy 1: 7 has become one of my favorite scriptures. I have it hanging in several places around the house to help me remember. It says:

“God has not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Now when I start feeling those pricklings of fear, I try to quote this scripture and remember that fear does not come from God. Then I try to take a new approach to the situation that is causing me fear. I think, “How can I approach/solve this with POWER? How can I use LOVE to help me with this? How will a SOUND MIND help me through this?” I have my own personal definitions of what each of those things mean, and I’ve found that as I try to apply those to replace the fear, it really works, and I am filled with peace, strength and/or acceptance instead. I don’t want to be crippled by fear my whole life. I don’t want to look back and regret that I missed months or years of my children’s lives because I was afraid for them. There are so many areas in my life where I feel fear and I am now trying to apply this principle to those areas as well. Hopefully someday I will be able to say that I live more by faith than by fear. It’s a work in progress that’s for sure!

Happy Birthday, Girlfriend! We love you and are sooooo glad you are a part of our family!